I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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