the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
