Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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