Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
