this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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