My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
