I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
