I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I touched a dick in church today
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
