I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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