Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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