Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
