Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
