my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
