i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
