Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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