Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
