Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
