I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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