yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
