At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
