Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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