Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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