I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I will be naked everywhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Watching her eat just hurts me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
