She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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