my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
