I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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