I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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