just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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