It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
