My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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