I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love having hate sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
