would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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