DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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