Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
COCAINE IS GR8
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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