You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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