I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
