So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
