remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
