he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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