remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
