How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
