Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
