Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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