ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
