Banned from zoo.
Again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
