What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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