Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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