i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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