two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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