I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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