I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
