SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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