Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
someone owes me an orgasm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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